WHEN AMERICAN KIDS ATTACK THEIR CAREGIVERS

(Important Note : This post is not to point my finger at anything but generally this post is  based on observations and my own experience working with kids for 6 1/2 years. This post does not conclude that Filipino kids are good and American kids are bad. Filipino kids raised in America could actually be undisciplined as you can note in reading further.)

The USA is known for its "child rights" and the infamous 911 call for a suspected child abuse, educating kids as early as 1 to inform cops about any physical punishment they encounter. School authorities such as principals, teachers and even school nurses are implored to phone in 911 if they are suspicious of any physical harm done to a child.

This is what I hate about in America. Children, as a result, because of this policy blossom into undisciplined brats---becoming the world's scariest kids. Working with children has made me witness all the harsh realities of how most American mothers are terribly frustrated holding on to the reins of their children's lives. Instead of becoming their guides, their mentors and their "parents", American kids treat their parents like their friends; friends who are just like  "one of them" whom they can yell at, sass back and bitch around.  During my stint as a nanny, a 3-year old boy slaps his mother's face because he did not like the food his mother served him on the table. The mother wanted to slam back but in desperation, she broke down into tears. And instead of a reprimand, she apologized to her son. Oh, I could not believe what I'd seen. The boy hit her again and before he could summoned multiple "injuries" to his mom, I quickly took him away. She said, "You cannot discipline my child. I am the only one disciplines my child."  I was horrified. "Look at you, you were hit by your son and you think you can discipline your child." The next thing I knew, I was fired.

What's interesting in this frightening news story is that the authorities do not know what to do with the child. However, they can do something to parents who discipline their children. Read the story of this  babysitter shot by a 4-year old  and you will take notice that most comments are directed towards the  parents' fault about their possession of guns. Only a few voiced out over the lack of discipline as the catalyst for such crimes committed by children. I have posted a similar post about this a few months ago about American kids turning into as the world's scariest kids.

This commenter named Wynell declared exactly what I have in mind; " Parents are afraid to spank or punish their child anymore for fear of being accused by child abuse. Children need to be taught that there is a price to be paid for misbehavior. This needs to be taught in the first five years as these are the formative years for a child. Children hit their parents, yell at them, curse at them and anything else they want to do. How many parents have been murdered by their children in the last 10 years?...."

Such a sad plight for American parents and children. Fear of 911 can really deter values and moral principles. My cousin, a US citizen in Maryland is so helpless trying to instill values and discipline to her 3-year old   unruly and bratty Filipino twins  and confessed that she's scared that her children may make her life a living hell once they get to be a little bit older.

Spanking is entirely different from child abuse. When I was a kid, I was spanked and so  were my brothers. Yet we know why we were punished---because we did something terribly wrong and disobeyed them. At the same time, we were doted on and given love and affection. We know we were loved and we will always be loved. We grew up to be fine, disciplined. Christian adults. That's what America did not get; the difference between spanking and child abuse.

If you're a parent, would you want to discipline your child through a little spanking perhaps? Why not?

RELATED POSTS:

WORLD'S SCARIEST KIDS

I'M SENDING YOU TO THE PHILIPPINES

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Comments

[Bill]

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[Jack]

All my kids are nice. I know when they are abusive, that's when I spank them. But I do not spank them until they are 5 years old. Abusive and a little bit naughty is different. They know when it is enough when I get angry. I pity those parents whose children are unruly. They just deserve it because it's what they make of their children.

[Kat Olivares@motherfonker]

Hello, I've looked around and I like your blog. Very nice and clear to read. :-)

[Mara]

I've read the article and American kids (or at least most of them) are scary. Scary in the sense that a little spanking or even shouting could brand you as a parent as abusing your child. I wonder how this kids' parents teach them respect and stuff. Hmmm. Good thing my nephews aren't scary. :))

[Diane L. Harris]

I agree with you one hundred percent. There's a huge difference between spanking and child abuse. Unless children have strict boundaries and consequences, in addition to affection, they have no sense of security and no appreciation for the difference between right and wrong.

Punishment is part of love, and part of responsible parenting.

[jan]

Well I'd be more creative in disciplining if I were a parent. You know the drill - withholding privileges, grounding, cut in allowances. But I still reserve the right to spank them. It's called tough love, kids. :)

[Bujuy]

This is my greatest fear as a Filipino mother raising a Filipino child in the US. I was born and raised with Christian values and I was spanked by my parents when I was a kid. I never considered this as child abuse and I now realize how much this would help me in my adult years. I was taught discipline and authority, that my parents should be respected and obeyed. Beyond that, they love their children unconditionally and has always been our backbone.

Now living in the US, I am raising my daughter with the same values I grew up with. She is growing up to be a very good and obedient girl. That is until she is with her American cousins or American classmates who act up and behave like 16 year olds when they are only 6. I can only teach her so much but I am hoping I have instilled Christian values in her to help her decide what is right and what is wrong.

[Nancy]

Great post, Bingkee.

I, agree spanking is entirely different from child abuse, but the government doesn't see it that way. I wouldn't completely blame the parent/parents its the government and because of the law the parents are faced with this dilemma.

[Mel Alarilla]

It is really ironic that these things should happen to America. As a result of their over zealous desire to protect the rights of children, they have taken away the right of parents to discipline and nurture their children. As the Bible says, "spare the rod, spoil the child." Rod does not literally mean physical punishment but rather appropriate discipline. No wonder that some kids have grown to become murderers in campus. Moderation here is the key word to solve this problem. Thanks for the significant post. God bless you always.

[Scott McQueen]

Thanks Bingkee, I do believe in disciplining children early, and although I dislike hitting in any form, spanking is sometimes the only fair and humane way to effectively get a child’s attention and let them know they were wrong and who is the boss. As someone who grew up with inappropriate punishment (my errors were often ignored and left unaddressed, but when I confronted my parent’s sin I was often hit); I have to be very careful about using any form of corporal punishment. I must be sure that any spanking etc. is done out of sincere love and concern and that I do not do it if there is any anger or animosity in me. I do not want my children to learn to hit when angry as I learned.

From my personal experience, I use to be in constant battles with my children; they were rebellious to the nth degree. Then Christ came into my life. I really didn’t see much change in me, but others did. My wife pointed out to me just the other day that she can not remember the last time we argued or that I showed any disrespect to her or the children. I still discipline my children, but it is now always with love and out of concern for them and their future. I try to be consistent, fair but firm, and not react while I am angry (not just counting to ten, but asking for God to guide my actions). My children now listen to my rules, and although they may grumble here and there, for the most part they follow the rules. It is so comforting to have your children come to you when they have problems and seek your advice (maybe even seeking correction). It feels so good when they tell you they are proud of you, something I never thought I would hear.

Just an observation… I work with many immigrants in a healthcare setting and I have noticed that the families of my Filipino coworkers seem to be much closer and have so much more respect for their elders (and concern for their children) than most of us so called “Americans”. I’m sure that the tradition of loving, but firm discipline has a lot to do with it.

[simplyjacy]

i know what you mean that kids here in the US definitely lacks discipline.

when we went to church in FL, there's a lady with 3 kids. she would just let her kids run around going to the minister's office and play with the things that are considered sacred. what the mom would do is to just get her kids from there but they eventually went back and start meddling with the things inside the room.

my hubby could not take it. when to room, asked the kids to leave and close the room so they could not enter there anymore.

[Clarisse]

Recalling my childhood, I think I owe a big portion of what I am now to the spanking. I didn't get hit a lot, only when I was bad (as kids, we usually don't know better unless told). And I learned from each one (I think there were only 3 major episodes I can recall being spanked and hit by a ruler, and a belt). Only THREE! But I'm happy with what came out of it. I thank my parents for correcting me and steering me to the right path.

[betchai]

One of the sad things here is the meddling of the government with family affairs, it is okay for me to protect these children, they are the hope of our future, but not to the point that we almost rob the parents the right to parenthood. i think it also depends on the parents, as i have witnessed here a lot of respectful children in church too, young as they are they tend to care enough with how others would react or would get distracted if they make noise, so, they actually watch each other, which i find it cute. on the other hand, there are a lot of scary stories too like you mentioned, which really is sad and also is a reality.

i did not grow up being spanked at all, but i believe how our father disciplined us was harder to bear than spanking. like we have to be home before 6:00 pm for the rosary, but sometimes, playing hide and seek outside made us forget our time, so, if we are late let us say ten minutes, that would be be equivalent to 600 seconds. So, my father would ask us to count and spread 60 mongo beans on the floor, kneel on it, raise our two hands and count from 61st to 600. When we are done, we can not stand up nor rest unless we describe our mistake and how we can better ourselves. There were times I wished we were spank instead since it would be faster to get over with :)) and I did not have to come up with description and resolution. but I realized it was better that way, for during those time of hardship, we were asked to contemplate on our sins and how we can better ourselves that made us why and how we are now. i just really hope that here parents will be allowed to be parents, there is no perfect formula as how to raise a child, it is up to the parents, and also up the the parents creativity since each child is different and may respond to different forms of discipline, but indeed, it is hard when parents have fear of being judged by law on how they discipline their kids.

Great post Bingkee, for bringing up this very sensitive yet important issue.

[Lori Laws]

This is a hot topic! What went wrong with Parents raising their kids with discipline, teaching them good morals and self-control? Why do parents feel the need to be their child's friend? Teach kids to respect!! yes, this is a very sensitive topic, but a much needed article. Hopefully it will wake some parents up.

[Jade]

So true. This is another reason why teacher's pay check should be raised- its a life threatening job. Why, this is my second year of teaching first grade and this post makes complete sense to me all right.

Most students turn out all right and even sweet when they realize that I have a low tolerance level when it comes to hitting and the like.

My parents too, were not afraid to spank me when I did something wrong. And now, I'm glad they did.

No wonder many American families are no longer "baby booming."

[Bujuy]

I hope you don't mind that I posted this to GirlTalk for GT Parents Overseas. One parent commented that she's seen good American kids and bad Filipino kids overseas. She notes that we cannot really point fingers as to what culture is the child born into but how the parents really raise their child.

More on:
http://www.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php/topic,195937.0.html

[Bingkee]

Hi Bujuy, My post was based on observations and experience with kids in America----I used to be a nanny for 5 years and daycare assistant for 1/2 years. My husband is an elementary school teacher for 11 years and we are on the same page about this issue. I'm not pointing fingers....I'm raising a general issue----lack of discipline in kids cause most new teachers to quit their jobs. If they are a lot of bad Filipino kids---that's because Filipino parents cannot spank them like my cousin --who is in the dilemma of having bad kids coz she can't spank them whenever they become unruly and disobedient. Nice American kids? Yea a number of them but sometimes looks can be deceiving.
But I'm not saying that Filipino kids are good and American kids are bad...these points I raised are based on experience.
Have a blessed day.